The Unborn

Kicking off the 2009 movie season, I started with my previous post, the Wrestler. If that movie is indicative of the type of film to be watched in the new year, it was going to be a very good year. 2nd movie on my list? The Unborn. Starring Odette Yustman. I still need to devise a plan of clubbing her over the head and dragging her to my cave to make her my wife. So back to the point, I saw a preview for this movie approximately 6 weeks ago. I was SOLD. Scary movie? check. Hot girl? check. Gary Oldman? check. I love religious like movies, and I know that this isn't really that religious of a movie, but it had religious undertones. An exorcism and all. So what does this all mean? I'm 110% excited to see this, not matter how bad it turns out.

Coming back down to earth I know, supposed to be an extremely bad movie going in. It received a whopping 8% on rotten tomatoes from the 'Top Critics'. I'm still working on how to become a top critic, so if anyone can hook me up, let me know. Was I expecting much from the movie? No. Did it somehow still disappoint? Yes. The movie had lots of potential and somehow, the director just ruined it. The movie didn't flow well, scenes seemed forcibly included, there were few redeeming aspects in general. The special effects were some of the redeeming aspects. Especially the kids. They were probably the creepiest kids that Ive seen in a movie in quite some time. There were ideas taken from the original 'Exorcist' with an old man walking up the stairs crab walking with his head inverted. A creepy looking dog with an upside down head. Very subtle special effects that were still able to cause a chill down a spine or two. I think what amazed me the most was that the actual SCRIPT was bad. Some of Meagan Good's lines were just plain atrocious (as were Odette's but in my eyes she can do nothing wrong). There were a few scenes that will make you jump, but sadly there were more scenes that will make you laugh.

So when it comes down to it, I spent $8 for a movie I thought was horrible. BUT, do I think it was a waste of money? Absolutely not. Why? Two words. Camel. Toe.

If you have seen American History X, you have probably heard Edward Furlong at the end of the movie when he says, why say something if someone has already said it better.

"Fortunately, the film has one last trick up its sleeve. And by trick, I mean vagina. And by sleeve, I mean vagina. And by vagina, I mean vagina. And by that extensive use of the word vagina, I mean HOLY TITTY-FUCK, DID I JUST SEE A BLATANT 5-SECOND DISPLAY OF ODETTE YUSTMAN'S CAMEL TOE? The answer to that question would be yes. Yes, I did. And by God was it awe-inspiring. There I was, just sitting in the theater randomly pondering if suicide was a reasonable response to excruciating boredom, when BAAM! The camera pans down and shows a frontal shot of Yustman in those gravity-defying panties, this time presenting a distinct and revealing vertical slit. Needless to say, I came instantly."

- Adam Quigley from the site Always Watching

I give the movie 5 Manatees, okay, really I give it 0.5 Manatees.